Calves of steel and montezuma's revenge

    It turns out that the beauty and charm of Old Vallarta lies not only in its allure as the gay quarter, but also in it's old-world charm. Negotiating the pocked cobblestone streets and steep tiled steps that link one calle to it's vertical neighbor it's easy to forget you're in Mexico. Instead of finding effeminate men wearing hot pants and front-pack chihuahua carriers, your imagination leads you to expect to find an authentic Italian gelati stand or a French pastry shop around the next bend. And although you never do...(Italian-inspired Mexican cuisine is about as close as you'll get), there's something about the atmosphere that makes just about anything possible.
     Scattered amongst the gender specific tourists you find a large smattering of retirees who spend a month to the entire winter here in Vallarta. They've purchased or rented holiday spaces of all caliber and seem to revel in the marvels and splendor that come with this eclectic part of the city. Catering to these tourists are all manner of yoga teachers. The other day I attended one of these classes.

     The sign stuck to the lamppost advertised yoga to reinvigorate and restore the body and mind. How could I resist? All I had to do was find the stairs across from the hotel and ascend to meditative bliss...easier said than done. The stairs turned out to be a crumbling collection of bricks, mortar, dirt and unidentifiable muck that went up and up and up...Unsure of whether there would ever be an end, or and exit for that matter I actually made the treacherous climb twice until I finally materialized, sweaty and shaking onto the street one block above our resort. The class itself was pure bliss. Our teacher, Anya, dutifully modified the poses to accommodate my protruding belly, but all the way through I could feel my tender calves whimpering from the climb and I wondered how I would feel in the morning.
    I couldn't walk for the next two days...then I got something that makes the locals laugh and tourists quake in their sandals...Montezuma's revenge!

This is the stairway to heaven...or hell- depending on how you want to look at it. At least the homeless guy left me alone.