I just sat there for a moment staring at the computer, unsure whether I should laugh or cry. It was so generous for my father-in-law to offer us his two-week time share in Mexico. When you are looking at a holiday that is half paid for, who are you to complain if the resort isn't five star or right on the beach.
"Oh it's right on the beach, don't worry about that" he assured us. What he didn't tell us was what I was looking at right now. The website for the resort featured a panoramic photo of two half naked, greased up men laughing together on the beach, one leaning in provocatively, the other one, head tossed back and giggling like a testosterone-infused coquette.
I scanned the photo for the hundredth time. Looking cautiously over my shoulder I wondered how I would break the news to my husband. "Maybe I should read a little more about the resort before I say something that might not be true." I rationalized and continued to peruse the resort description:
XX Resort and Spa is Puerto Vallarta´s first luxury beach-front Hotel and Beach Club dedicated to providing a unique and personalized holiday experience to the gay and lesbian community and our friends. (OMG there it is in virtual print- it really IS a gay resort! My husband is going to FREAK!)
We invite you to experience our XX resort for yourself by spending a day soaking up the sun at the Beach Club (I wonder if the cabana boys apply the sunscreen?), dining in our newly designed restaurant (I bet it's designer, something right out of Queer Eye), taking in one of our nightly events in the lounge (a drag show most likely), or watching the gorgeous sunsets from the privacy and comfort of one of our suites (mmm hmmm, and then...).
We are committed to providing a truly unique and memorable experience for all our guests (Not too sure what this means yet...). So for the confirmed hedonists (...Oh, I know what THIS word means though!), we are creating an exclusive, luxury Spa with professionally-trained staff, private treatment facilities, steam room and a fully-equipped gym with state-of-the-art equipment.(Are they talking about happy ending massages? I mean a hedonist would want to enjoy his massage to the fullest right? Oh, why am I thinking about this...I just won't go to the spa).
XX Resort and Spa is working hard to become your preferred destination when visiting Puerto Vallarta. So contact us and let our knowledgeable concierge and staff help you make the most of your holiday.
There was no help for it, I was going to have to tell my husband. "Uh, Trevor?"
"Yeah," he called, not lifting his eyes from the hockey game that hypnotized him to the big screen TV.
"I think you'd better come and see this."
"See what?" clearly annoyed at being asked to peel himself away from the Calgary Flames soap opera he needed a good reason to make the 10 pace journey to the computer.
"It's our resort website...Trevor, it's a gay resort."
I was sure I could sense his butt-cheeks clamping together as he scanned over the home page. Though I've often seen him angry or annoyed, this moment definitely made the top ten. His brows furrowed, his lips pursed paper thin and his fists balled so tight his knuckles stood out bone-white.
He didn't speak for the rest of the evening. Eventually I went to bed. Sometimes it's just better to leave him alone when he has something major to digest. As I drifted off to sleep, images of speedos and body oil in my head, I thought I could hear to tell-tale clacking of a keyboard downstairs...
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